We had performance reviews this month at my day job. I’ve never had to deliver a performance improvement plan (PIP) nor have I received one. Also, it’s not called a PIP at my day job; it’s called a performance correction plan or PCP.
This is funny to me because that is a *drug* — a drug also known as ‘angel dust’ notorious for insane feelings of invincibility leading people to cut pieces of their face off or jump from buildings. I call being put on a PCP “getting dusted.”
Anyway, I was reminded of the performance improvement plan I wrote a few years ago for someone I was dating and with whom I was dissatisfied intimacy-wise. We had a 90 day retrospective at my suggestion where I planned to deliver the PIP. But it wasn’t necessary; the retro made clear that he had already resigned, just hadn’t yet given notice. “Quiet quitting” as they say.
Intimacy Performance Improvement Plan
Massage
You are not good at massage. (4/10)
Overall, your attempts feel well-meaning but haphazard and insecure. You rush in and out of areas. You also don’t develop a sense of current-state which prevents you from being in command of desired-state.
Goal
To be at least great at massage. (8-9 is great; 10 is excellent)
PIP
Don’t do all the massages at once. Do one, then do the quiz, then do the next.
RESEARCH: Get a massage from the list below. Take mental notes.
STUDY: Transfer your mental notes to actual notes.
QUIZ: Give a 15-20 minute massage based on the one you got.
FINAL: Give a 60 minute massage combining what you learned from all the massages you got.
MASSAGE CHECKLIST
These are in order of difficulty.
Shirobhyanga
Javanese lulur massage from Kabuki Springs
Full body massage from Fung Soon Reflexology (request a man; if you get a man under 35 years old, request an older one)
Deep tissue massage from Manny at Revive
Traditional thai massage from any of the Suchada locations
Watch this video then get Myofascial release from any Cocoon Day Spa
Tips for giving massage
You should have a rough plan in your head for the entire massage e.g. pressure warm up & body opening, then upper body focus, then lower body focus, ending with _____ (common endings are feet, hands, scalp, face, or all over pats)
Using music is a helpful timing mechanism to organize/breakdown the rough plan e.g. six songs total for the back, one song for all-over strokes, two songs for lower back focus, one song for each shoulder, etc
Don’t skip generalized pressure. Simply transferring your weight to the other body in various ways/places and holding it there allows the other body to turn off barriers (of action/alertness/etc) and become receptive to all the other touch.
Sex
You are not good at sex. (4.5/10; below average)
If that seems surprising, its because our chemistry is great. (8.5/10)
You need to work on 3 things:
Sensuality
Aftercare
Orgasm ownership
Note: Everything in this doc is foundational. It does not explore kink.
Goal
To make your partner orgasm, most of the time, when you decide to.
Sensuality
Overall, you are not sensual. You go straight for the obvious: fingering, oral sex, penetration.
You seem insecure/uncomfortable with engaging sexually with any other part of the body.
Sometimes sensuality breaks through during the sex, but often it’s borderline perfunctory and ends when you finish.
You seem like you do not know what you do or do not like and don’t know how to figure out what your partner does and doesn’t like. i.e. You seem inexperienced, especially for your age.
You seem like most of your sexual education is from porn, which does not focus on sensuality. (Porn, btw, is a lesson in what gets men off. When you watch porn, you learn what makes men come, not women. Don’t argue with this.)
Sensuality PIP
Corporeal sensuality
For the exercises below:
Do them with a partner
Do NOT touch your or your partners genitals at all
Do NOT kiss your partner on the mouth
Spend at least 30 mins on each one!
Unlike massage where the purpose is to relax/release, the purpose here is to stimulate/build tension
Do NOT switch to pursuing orgasm/release. If it’s too much, stop and separate from your partner.
Focus on interacting only with your partner’s: